Sunday, February 27, 2011

Aron Ralston is the biggest dumbass ever. Fact.

I'm really tired of this giant douche bag getting recognized as a hero. He shouldn't get a movie and he shouldn't receive anything other than people berating his stupidity. Allow me to paraphrase his story. 

Aron is a climber. So he's in shape, done a lot of these adventurous things before and is not a newbie to the climbing/hiking world. He's even a super smart guy as he went to Carnegie Melon for Engineering. 
Aron climbs some mountains and while on a quest for personal growth or whatever decides, in all better judgement, that he should travel alone. He plays poker and pulls out a pair of 3's while the fates rape him in the arm with a full house in the form of a boulder. He falls down a crevasse(I still wish I could say that like Bear Grylls) and his arm gets pinned literally between a rock and a hard place. Days go bye and he has to cut off said arm, some more stuff happens and then he is rescued. 

Let me crack an egg of knowledge all over you with some guidelines of adventuring.

1. Plan where you are going. (Break out a $4.00 topo map and plan your trip)
2. Tell someone where you are going, and when you are planning on being back. (ie. “We’ll be taking this trail into this basin. Don’t plan on us being back until Sunday afternoon.”)
3. Dress and pack for conditions.
4. Never hike alone. (Hey Aron… ever hear of the buddy system?)
5. Be prepared. (did you pack everything you need… Like a buddy?)

I know a little about survival, the desert school in MCAGCC 29 Palms wasn't easy. There are some rules you don't mess around with. The buddy system is one of them as well as not letting anyone know where you're going. 

People everywhere loved his book about the event and his story of survival was lauded as a great triumph of the human spirit. Let me get this straight. This guy breaks a rule and through his stupidity and arrogance of action, gets what he deserves and people love him for it? My mind is full of F*** on this. Surely his PR people and Oprah couldn't be that powerful to hide this fact. You lost an arm, Aron, because you were an idiot. You're making money off of it because America is full of idiots. Maybe I should change the title to Aron Ralston is a genius. He even got James Franco to play him in a movie. 

Some people say that he's a bamf because he cut off his arm where others would just die. He took a bad situation and came through victorious. Let me put it into perspective. Tonight, I was making some rice with my steak and potatoes. I got the water boiling with the mixers and realized I made a mistake. I forgot to buy butter at the store so I was out. Oh no, what would I do? I used my quick thinking and wit, pulled out the Vegetable Oil I had and used that. Wow, I should write about it. This is obviously not in the same league as losing an arm, however the argument that he was superhuman is diminutive to everyone else. I'm almost positive that once survival instincts kick in, almost everyone in my circle of friends would have done the same thing to survive. Tupac said it best.

"Niggas gotta do..."

Perhaps he didn't say that and I was just waxing philosophical. 

1 comment: